also, and ive been thinking about this for a while but only now remembered to write it down,
how am i supposed to deal with things if i have two opposite traits in me: self-esteem and pride from my mom and an umenie to say sorry and to acknowledge my mistakes from dad? my mom would never come up to me and say, "i was wrong i'm sorry," even when she obviously was. it was only after she talked to my dad she would tell me that she was sorry. because my dad is the kind of person who cant keep it all in him - he knows when he does something wrong, and its this urge to fix things that makes him so apologetic.
so i dont know where I am with all this. its been pretty damn hard, and i feel like all my pain comes from that.. it might take me months to actually realize how wrong i was and say, "nu, mir?"
but i guess better late than never?