ive finally come to terms with the fact that he and his gf are NOT gonna break up and that they ARE happy together.
no blyat, kak zhe hochetsya s kem-nibud pogovorit. ya razuchilas o vnutrennem razgovarivat voobshe, dazhe s russkimi podrugami, dazhe po internetu. perebivau razgovor na drugie temi, otshuchivaus (!!!), rasskazivau veshi kratko. moya luchshaya podruga tut ponytaiya ne imeet chto ya revu stabilno paru raz v nedelu na protyazhenii polugoda, s kakih por ya voobshe tak?! obo vsem znaut tolko v sem'e - no i oni kakie-to virtualnie, kogda ya ih voobshe uvizhu... nikogda ne dumala chto vse budet tak po-drugomu. da i prezhnego NE HOCHU. ya tak zaputalas... ot yanvarskogo "at peace with myself" voobshe nichego ne ostalos. counseling? net. nu a chto togda? ya ne znau chto delat. ya ne znau chego ya hochu. u menya vse est but somethings still missing. kak budto zhdu, chto kto-to pridet i skazhet - ty hochesh vot etogo. i ya soglashus. a poka nikak... vse otlichno no vse sovsem nikak at the same time. i need something but how can i get it if i dont know what it is?

vse eto tak po-russki. i ne tam i ne tut. ya voobshe ne znau gde ya. opyat v kakoj-to idiotskoj seredine. VYTASHITE POZHALUJSTA.